Offbeat Offenses
Country time gangstas
By John Zaharick

Jan. 1, 2009

To cap off 2008, let’s look at some of the more interesting cases the state police in Carlisle investigated in the past few months.

A cage containing two hamsters was found on the counter of a closed concession stand at South Middleton Park on Oct. 11. You can’t set pets free in the wild if they’re still in the cage.

Other mysteriously found items that day included two 5-gallon buckets containing miscellaneous electrical parts left in the road on Valley and Bayley streets, South Middleton Township. It’s bad enough when people don’t pick up after their dogs, but now we have to worry about defecating robots in the 21st century.

Two drunken teenagers were also left strewn about the sidewalks on Oct. 11. The North-Wales and Chambersburg males were cited for underage alcohol consumption after police found them passed out on High Street, Shippensburg. They were taken to a local animal shelter along with the hamsters.

Someone shot two cows with a muzzleloader weapon in Lower Frankford Township on Oct. 20. It is unclear if the cows had any enemies, or were involved in an affair or drug dealing.

Following the hoofed animal theme, a 17-year old from South Middleton Township threatened his mother with a set of deer antlers on Nov. 19. Responding police officers discovered drugs, scales and money at the house. The streets may become a safer place for people and cows alike if drug dealers started carrying antlers instead of guns.

Sometime between Dec. 13 and 15, an unknown perpetrator spray painted a 5-inch stenciled pictured of a steer skull and crossbones three times on a school bus in Southampton Township. Taken in context with the cow drive-by and deer antler attack, these bovine gang symbols seem to indicate that a new rural-chic has gripped the “thug life.”

Looking to add a patriotic flair to the new style, rural-chic thieves stole an American flag in Carlisle during the night of Dec. 10 and 11. The nylon rope attached to the flag was cut and taken as well. Now they can move onto roping cows instead of shooting them.

Ending where we began, with rodents, a Shippensburg woman swerved to avoid a squirrel and lost control of her car on a wet road in Hopewell Tonwnship on Nov. 5. Her vehicle left the road, rolled over and slid down a small embankment on its roof. The woman was taken to the hospital for minor injuries and the car was towed from the scene. The squirrel was uninjured.