A Lighter View
Presidential mystery
By K.E.H. Stagg

February 17, 2011

_____For nearly four decades, I have tried—really, really tried—to memorize the U.S. Presidents’ names in correct order. I get through George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, and John Quincy Adams with no trouble. I know Abraham Lincoln was the United States’ sixteenth president and I’ve got everybody since WorldWar II. But between John Quincy and Lincoln, and then Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt is all a confusing jumble. Jackson, Johnson, Polk, Taylor, Fillmore, Grant, Taft, Coolidge, Harding, Wilson, and Teddy Roosevelt fall in there somewhere, but where?
_____Of course, it’s always helpful when the U.S. Treasury slaps their faces on our currency as a memory jog, but then they throw in a curve, like Salmon P. Chase, who was president only of a bank. I can’t verify this personally, but I’m told his picture is on the zillion dollar bill.
_____Even though I may not know where they fall in order, I know all kinds of useless factoids about many of our Presidents: George Washington had false teeth made from wood and hippopotamus ivory, which explains his grimace in late portraits. Although other office holders married during their tenure, Grover Cleveland is the only one who held his nuptials in the White House itself. At 69, Ronald Reagan was the oldest president elected. Richard Nixon is widely thought to have had the meanest personality of all Presidents. Warren Harding was said to be able to play every musical instrument except the saxophone. Lincoln was the tallest President at 6’-4,” while Taft was the heaviest, weighing over 350 pounds.
Four presidents were assassinated, and unsuccessful attempts were made on eight others. New York, Ohio, and Virginia are tied at each supplying six of our nation’s leaders, while Pennsylvania numbers among the ten states who anted up just one: James Buchanan.
_____Despite Hilary Clinton’s fierce aspirations and Sarah Palin’s strong supporters, it’s fairly certain the U.S. isn’t yet ready to elect a female president. I imagine that distant race will be divided along gender lines the way this last one was divided along ethnic lines (although a President shouldn’t be considered on anything other than fitness for office).
_____I often wonder what would happen if Dillsburg were one day to provide an occupant for the Oval Office. Would we have to change our town’s mascot from Mr. Pickle to Mr. President?
_____Something to ponder as Presidents’ Day rolls around. . .