A Lighter View
Adding injury to injury
By K.E.H. Stagg

October 21 , 2010

There’s some twisted law of injury—probably attributable to that rotten Murphy!—that when any body part is maimed, it continues to suffer rough treatment in the time period immediately following the original bodily harm.

For example, if one is greedy enough to eat a piece of too-hot pizza, the skin on the top of one’s mouth immediately begins to hang in shreds. The tender skin thus exposed is then stabbed by potato chips and crackers (whose salt only makes the wound all the more painful), celery and carrot sticks—really, just about anything.

Same thing happens to a fresh paper cut: it catches on envelopes and manila folders or sweater fibers, ripping open just enough more so that when lemon tea spills over the side of the cup, it slops directly onto the open wound, where the lemon burns like fire.

And what about biting the inner cheek? It bleeds only a little but swells to tremendous proportions and continues to get caught between upper and lower teeth, reinjuring the stinking thing over and over to the point where I’m about ready to sign up for IV’s to avoid the constant infliction of pain. I don’t know how the inflammation ever goes down since that lump seems to last for an entire year.

Neck injuries are equally disastrous. Ever try getting through a day without moving your neck? I’ve sometimes wished I could be like Mr. Magoo and not have to worry about the chaos in my wake from looking neither right nor left. Even working at the computer or walking down the hall is a challenge. If I’m idiot enough to actually try turning my head, the resulting nerve frenzy feels like a jolt of electricity, which I have to endure in a protective crouch until the “juice” runs out.

A hammered thumb keeps getting re-injured by other tools; a bruised elbow is continously whacked by counter tops, filing cabinets, and car doors; a bumped head finds the freezer door and car frame with laser-like precision. . . it’s almost uncanny how injuries self-multiply so quickly!
Probably the worst case of injury begetting injury is in relation to intestinal upset. Ever notice how vomiting leads to more vomiting? Just the thought of sicking up makes me start to gag. And once it actually occurs, it’s all over.

I guess the point is: stay healthy. You’ll be glad you did!