A Lighter View
Mower dilemma
By K.E.H. Stagg

September 16, 2010

We’ve come to the time of year that every Dillsburg resident wants to know the answer to the same question: Can I now stow my lawn mower for this year?

It’s impossible to gauge the correct time by following the neighborhood neat freak. You know who I mean, because every development has one. He follows a regiment of designated days for mowing, edging, weeding, trimming, leaf blowing, gutter cleaning, raking, picking up fallen twigs, and who knows what all. He’s got every lawn tool ever invented, and he’s nutty enough to oil, sharpen, and perform monthly maintenance on every single one of them. He’s out there every stinking day of the year doing something to his lawn, and is the lone holdout trying to get in “one last, good mow” long after all the other neighbors have tested their snow-blowers in advance of the first snow.

It’s equally impossible to gauge when to shelve the mower by the neighborhood “lawn hippie,” whose yard needs nothing so much as a good blow-torching to get rid of all the various weeds and start fresh with new sod. He’s the guy who mows once a month—starting about June—that is, if the mower even makes a complete pass over his yard. He doesn’t bother to edge, trim, or gather up leaves since the wind will just blow them into somebody else’s yard if he waits long enough; and he’s oblivious to the disparity between his jungle and the neat swathes of green to either side of his property.

I like to fall somewhere between the two extremes. My lawn doesn’t need to look like it was buzzed by a Marine barber, but I don’t want to hack my way through it with a machete, either. And I definitely don’t want to live next to the shaggy lawn neighbor, because that means all the critters tunneling under his ground cover will make their way to my houses, foraging in unharvested fields. Having to suit up in protective anti-rodent-and-reptile gear in order to venture outdoors just seems wrong somehow.

But where is that happy medium? Does the autumnal equinox signal that summer really is over? Is it safe to run out the gas in the mower and pack it off to the lawn mower doctor to be winterized? Is it tempting fate to send it away, knowing the risks of an unseasonably warm spell that lasts just long enough to turn mine into the neighborhood’s unsightly yard? On the other hand, if I don’t send it off in time, the mower will still be full of gas in an early snowfall, and I won’t be able to transfer fuel to the snowblower.
Who knew that lawn maintenance would turn out to be such mental torture?!