A Lighter View
The world as irritant
By K.E.H. Stagg

May 20, 2010

Did you ever have one of those weeks when everything irritated you? I’ll confess to having one of those. It started with intestinal disorder. Boy, nothing boogers up the weekend like a bout of intestinal upset, and nothing says intestinal distress like “ring-around-the-heinie.”

As if that weren’t bad enough, I got one of those rare hoax emails that looks official. It said that I was due a refund from the IRS. Not being stupid enough to click on the attachment as instructed, I avoided sending out my personal date of birth, social security number, bank account and routing details and my mother’s maiden name to the inhabitants of Africa, Australia and Greenland. But the notion that I was supposed to get money back and didn’t? Now there’s a bummer!

Moving right along from that series of let-downs, I encountered several of the multitude of Pennsylvania drivers who think they can multi-task. News flash: You aren’t as talented as you’ve deluded yourself to believe. Don’t think I wasn’t onto you when you came to a complete stop in the intersection of Routes 15 and 74 while you were fumbling to answer your cell phone. Yes, I’m the one who almost got surgically attached to your bumper, never dreaming that you were so eager to communicate with someone hundreds of miles away, you gave no thought to paying attention to the traffic immediately around you!

I also thought about making a citizens arrest of the individual (out-of-state plates are no excuse!) who cut across two lanes of traffic on Route 15 to get a bite to eat and never lost hold of your cell phone, either. I’m not bitter about these little upsets in life; I just figure one of these days, the cell phones will all poop off and motorists will be forced to drive without any distractions. What a concept!

And then there was the health care professional who insisted on knowing the exact nature of my relationship to my step-grandmother. “I need to get all this straight in my head,” I was told. I wanted to ask, “Why do you care?” Only I decided it’s unfair to put an 88-year-old woman’s well-being at risk for the sake of making a point.

It’s not bad enough to be badgered in person; the maniacs are all over cyberspace and the airwaves. I had to go through the same explanation to a pharmaceutical company whose representative, at the end of the conversation, said, “Well, I hope you’re going to give her a big old party!” Not that it’s any of your business, but yes; and we’re going to make a pinata with your image to put ourselves in a celebratory mood.

The last straw was driving out the day after elections to see everybody’s soggy campaign signs stuck in the ground along every major roadway within a hundred miles of Harrisburg. These people can’t be bothered to clean up their litter, but expect to get my vote to run the state or to represent me in Congress? I don’t think so!