A Lighter View
Twelve months of Christmas shopping
By K.E.H. Stagg

Dec. 17, 2009

One of the smartest decisions I ever made—and one that I’ve continued ever since—is to do my Christmas shopping throughout the year. Forget the 12 days leading up to Christmas. I take advantage of sales beginning right after Christmas the year before and continue up through Thanksgiving. I lay out smallish sums of cash as I see something that strikes me as ideally suited to someone on my list, rather than being forced to pawn my firstborn and cash in my IRA’s to deposit the equivalent of my weight in gold at one fell swoop.

By the first week of December, I’m all set except for the food items because, frankly, who wants last year’s candy? This way, I’m able to actually enjoy the Christmas season instead of having to hone my martial arts skills in order to successfully navigate the packs of shoppers making last-minute purchases.

What’s even worse than the snarling hordes, who would just as soon break your leg as let you in line, is their horrific driving skills which appear to have been purchased from ACME or some equally disreputable source. Turn signals? “Completely unnecessary!” Traffic lights? “For other motorists only!” Rules of the road? “Oh, those are just suggestions, not hard-and-fast rules!” That’s the unspoken conversation going on between those of us who are sane, and those of us who have to get to the mall within the next 10 seconds, or our credit cards will spontaneously combust at warp speed.

The closer we get to the actual gift-giving day, the nastier the tone of these silently transmitted messages becomes as shoppers discover they’ve been beaten to the deal by someone who planned ahead, perhaps purchasing as early as Easter. Turn signals? “Signal this, moron!” Traffic lights? “I’ll light your traffic, buddy!” Rules of the road? “I’ll make my rules up as I go along, and you can just get out of my freaking way!”

I’m not saying everybody should be like me and shop way ahead. It sometimes backfires--like when the aunt who was always good for a fancy teacup suddenly gives up her collection. Now what do I do with the lovely Coalport cup and saucer? All I know is gift-giving is a lot more pleasant when it’s not accompanied by threats of grievous bodily injury from vicious shoppers, or sidelined by frostbite contracted by having to park in the adjacent county and hike in to the mall.

The un-stress of being ready ahead of time is the present I give myself. And while it may not be top of my list of favorite gifts, it’s always the right size, never needs to be exchanged and is guaranteed not to wear out! Oh, and did I mention there’s no worry about the correct sized batteries either?