A Lighter View
Plastic surgery popularized
By K.E.H. Stagg

Aug. 20, 2009

Once upon a time, only actors, actresses and eccentric millionaires had plastic surgery. Women of a certain age suddenly sported permanent grimaces; men of a certain age lost their “spare tire” overnight or sprouted hair where they’d once been bald.

These days, plastic surgery has been marketed to the masses, to the point where I’ve seen probably a dozen people at work who’ve clearly been nipped, tucked and otherwise shaped in ways that nature never intended. I’m torn between envy: “Wow! I wish I had the nerve to try that!” and horror: “Wow! Doesn’t that look disgustingly painful!”

The common folk I’ve seen recently have gotten overly inflated lips, tautened cheeks and possibly a nose job. One woman definitely went in for a lower-body liposuction and resculpture; she now boasts the legs of a fifth-grader, but wears jeans to conceal what I’m guessing are still-visible surgical scars.

First of all, how do you decide when to nip and what to tuck? Does it all start with that moment of incredulity in the fitting room, where you decide the clothes would actually fit on the body you used to have, and what is your grandmother’s skin doing on your youthful frame anyhow? Or is it that elusive quest for the fountain of youth, and wanting to be—or at least look like—a 20-something forever?

Once you’ve made the decision, then what? Before trying any new professional service, I want a verbal recommendation from a friend who’s used the services in question. That’s triply true for anything involving my person. Theoretically, however, the best plastic surgeon is one whose work isn’t discernible. The people whose cosmetic repairs are obvious have gone to a surgeon whose name you’d want only to be sure you didn’t engage his services! And it’s not as if it’s good manners to ask, “Tell me what you’ve had done to yourself since I last saw you.” So do they just thumb through the yellow pages and go with the lowest price quote?

After all that, does anyone ever wonder: if plastic surgery is such a wonderful idea, how come everyone doesn’t do it? The pain alone would deter me from getting the turkey wattle on my neck removed. The thought of weeks spent re-packing my nose after rhinoplasty (not to mention the fright mask that Michael Jackson turned himself into) makes me decide the nose I have is just fine!

The biggest question of all is, why would anyone go through all that? Take away the anesthesia, and the procedures qualify as torture! There are weeks of recovery, potential for life-threatening infections and even possible fatal reaction to sedatives that accompany re-inventing ones physique. And at the end of it all, the new face or figure will eventually sag and droop anyhow. What’s the point?