A Lighter View
Marketing houses
By K.E.H. Stagg

Aug. 6, 2009

It’s a well-known fact that during economic prosperity, the housing market benefits sellers; while during an economic slump, it’s usually the buyers who benefit. One of the tricky aspects of purchasing a home, however, is safely navigating the minefields of advertising. It’s a lot like reading personal ads; you have to be able to read between the lines and know what all the code words mean.

For example, the personal ads that seek a “financially stable” individual for “possible long-term relationship”? The unspoken subtext means the advertiser wants someone to finance his/her lifestyle, and if the responder isn’t careful, this could turn into a lifelong money pit!

Similarly, in housing sales, beware “original details” and anything billed as “quaint.” While it can refer to intricate wood trim around the windows and doors, it’s equally possible that there’s a pump in the yard and an outhouse in back because indoor plumbing didn’t exist back when the house was built.

I sometimes amuse myself by reading the subtext, rather than the actual print. “Mature single man seeking 18 to 26 year old female with marriage potential, to share Harley rides, romantic dinners and sitting in front of the fire” becomes “Biker in mid-life crisis looking for gymnast who will tolerate hanging with the rest of the biker gang and sharing a plate of beanie weanies at a bonfire in the woods.”

When it comes to housing ads, the fun is nearly identical in reading the meaning rather than the actual words. “One-of-a-kind house in up-and-coming neighborhood; many extras, including detached building with in-law apartment potential—must be seen to be appreciated!” becomes “Below-ground 60’s-era house with no windows in neighborhood where most drug dealers have been evicted; extras include detached building to house in-law, if said relative is accustomed to being caged like veal—must be seen to be believed!”

Don’t get me wrong. Dillsburg is fortunate to have reputable realtors, and I’d imagine the sales by owner are equally trustworthy. It’s the foreigners who’ve sneaked across county lines from Gettysburg or Mechanicsburg you have to watch out for; and who knows what immigrants from far-away places like Newville or Palmyra might try?

Even in a buyers’ market, the purchaser needs to keep alert for dry rot, horsehair plaster that’s a breath away from falling off the walls and silverfish. And whatever else you do, read the advertisements carefully because the old adage is still true: buyer beware!