A Lighter View
Armed forces
By K.E.H. Stagg

May 14, 2009

Armed Forces Day—to honor members in all branches of military service (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, National Guard and Reserves)—is set for Saturday. President Dwight Eisenhower established the international day of recognition in 1949, when World War II was still fresh in the minds of many nations and when the Soviet threat to peace in Eastern Europe loomed large.

There’s no question that I’m grateful to all personnel, past and present, for “upholding and protecting the Constitution of the United States from all aggressors, foreign and domestic,” which is the oath to which they swear upon entering military service.

It makes me question my ability to uphold and protect the Constitution. I know several of the key amendments: universal suffrage, the right to free speech, the right to bear arms; they are the triad of security on which freedom rests. Where would we be if we couldn’t complain to our municipality about trash not being picked up or the exorbitant rates of cable services? Or what recourse would we have if the change of leadership merely went from the hands of one dictator to another without our being able to vote? And what recourse would we have in the event a dictator did seize power—whether at the local or national level—if we couldn’t.

While those amendments are clear in my mind, I’m a lot more vague on many details of the Constitution itself. Would I recognize if it weren’t being upheld, or languished without protection?

Furthermore, if we relied on individuals like me to populate the Armed Forces, we would be in big trouble! I am prone to motion sickness, which means the Navy, Marines and Coast Guard are on their own to navigate the swelling seas. I would be pea-green, hanging over the side of the ship, puking my guts out. Ditto for the Air Force and turbulent skies; there’s not much protection on offer while filling an air sickness bag! Just the thought makes me feel like I need a double dose of Dramamine, although that never has worked to alleviate the nausea.

No, I’m afraid the Army would be the only option available to me, and since I’ve never been good at following instructions that aren’t sensible, it wouldn’t be long before they booted me right back out. “What do you mean run up that hill!? Can’t you see there are a bazillion bazookas aimed right at me? Are you insane?” Not that past and current members of Uncle Sammy’s Army don’t ask those very same questions in exactly the same incredulous tone I would use. However, they are able to overcome their qualms and face overwhelming odds to safeguard the Constitution. And I say, “God bless them, every one!”