A Lighter View
Celebrate what?
By K.E.H. Stagg

April 30, 2009

Most of us know that May holds several key holidays and special events: National Day of Prayers, Mother’s Day, Armed Forces Day, primary elections and Memorial Day. I don’t know about you, but truthfully, I need all the prayers I can get! I’m grateful to active and deceased military personnel for their part in safe-guarding my freedom, and I’m thankful beyond words for all that my mom did for me during her lifetime. Each of these celebrations involves particular etiquette attached to the observance.

But did you know that May also includes dozens more holidays, observances and other celebrations that most of us miss out on? These aren’t other countries’ celebrations, mind you; these are recognized in the good ol’ U.S. of A.

I’m talking about Tuba Day (1st), Respect for Chickens Day (4th), Root Canal Appreciation Day (13th), Visit Your Relatives Day (18th), Tap Dance Day (25th) and No-Tobacco Day (31st).

For those of you looking for week-long celebrations, there’s Hug Week (3rd-9th), National Etiquette Week (11th-15th), Dog Bite Prevention Week (17th-25th) and Week of Solidarity with People of Non-Self-Governing Territories (25th-31st).

And in case you need a reason to party a little bit longer, you can observe International Audit Month, National Egg Month, National Smile Month or National Vinegar Month.

Most of these events include endorsed activities that make perfect sense. For example, no-tobacco day is observed by hosing down anyone who lights up. But how does one appropriately celebrate a week of solidarity with people in non-self-governing territories? I reside in a country where I am not—by any stretch of the imagination—permitted to govern myself, and have to resign myself to a write-in vote for my candidate of choice because two major political parties determine most slates of candidates. Does that mean I’m in solidarity with myself, in which case I’m in solitary solidarity? Or am I in solidarity with people in places that aren’t even considered countries, but are protectorates of other countries? In order to show my solidarity, would I light a bonfire and send out smoke signals: “Boy, and I thought I had it bad!”?

I also can’t help wondering if anyone ever truly appreciates a root canal? Having any dental work falls under the category of “horror” in my book, but were I ever to be thankful for such a procedure, how would I express it? By not biting the dentist as he’s inflicting his peculiar brand of torture? In which case, is there a People Bite Prevention Week? And if so, would I observe it by not going to the dentist?

Maybe I’ll limit myself to National Etiquette Week and observe it by sending all my perplexing questions to “Miss Manners.”